


Even Now

by wisia



Series: For You [2]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Gen, Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 02:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5893903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisia/pseuds/wisia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even though Marinette wasn’t Ladybug any longer, she would still do what she could.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even Now

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to write a second part to "For You", but as I reread it this morning...I couldn't help it. I don't know if I'm going to add more to this or not, but yeah. Have this for now.

Losing her miraculous left Marinette feeling hollow. The emptiness spread quickly, despite it only occurring a mere ten, twenty minutes ago. No amount of tugging on her jacket could make her any warmer, even zipped up. She wanted to say it was the akuma and its doing on Paris, but Marinette knew it was the miraculous. The loss of it left her bereft. How many Ladybugs felt this way?

She took out her phone and thumbed a quick message to Alya’s Ladybug blog. An anonymous tip that Chat Noir was on his own, and that it might take a while longer for the ensuing danger that surrounded Paris to disappear. Tikki would need time to find a new Ladybug and…

Marinette’s mouth pressed together in an effort not to cry. She was relieved that no one was witness to her de-transformation, to see her lose being Ladybug. She didn’t know how she would deal with it if someone saw her embarrassment, her shame.

It wasn’t shame at what she had done. Marinette would choose Chat again in a heartbeat. He was her partner, and it didn’t matter that Chat wasn’t as well known or as loved as Ladybug was. Ladybug couldn’t exist without Chat, and it was the only obvious choice. It was shame in failing because Marinette should have found another way. She was Ladybug, and she couldn’t even keep her own partner safe. She didn’t have his back as he had hers.

So, no. Marinette did not want to know Chat’s identity. To have him look at her and see that she failed to protect him. It was a safety issue against Hawkmoth, but it was also this. Marinette swallowed hard and pushed her way into her parents’ bakery shop.

“Marinette!” her mama called. She rushed forward, hugging Marinette. “Thank god, you’re safe!”

Marinette hugged her back fiercely. “I’m safe.”

Then, her papa came too, and his hug was just as warm and safe as her mama. He was a large enough fellow that he could encompass both her mama and her together. Perhaps it was that feeling of love and warmness that she didn’t deserve, but Marinette cried.

“Mari?” her papa asked.

She couldn’t answer. She cried harder, huge wracking sobs.

She would never be Ladybug again.

******

The days after were strange, and Marinette could hardly focus in class. She felt like a zombie, and all her usual interests didn’t even make her feel better. It was enough that Alya picked up on it although Alya was no slouch when it came to noticing things.

“Hey,” Alya said, poking her arm. “What’s wrong? You didn’t even perk up when I showed you that new magazine with Adrien on the cover.”

Marinette forced herself to smile. “It’s nothing.”

“Mari?” Alya pressed further.

“I’m fine. Or I will be.” At least, Marinette hoped so. She nudged Alya’s foot with her own. “So, what happened to Ladybug?”

“Oh!” Alya exclaimed, and that was the right track to get Alya off her own issues. “Ladybug disappeared.”

Marinette smiled ruefully. She did. “Did she now?”

“Yeah. There’s a new one. She has brown hair, but she’s legitimate. Got it all on video too.” Alya frowned. “It’s just—I don’t know what happened to the old one.”

“She saved Paris, didn’t she? The new one, I mean.”

“Yes. Her inexperience shows, but she looks like she will be a decent Ladybug.”

“I’m glad.” Marinette really was, but then again Tikki was never wrong in her choice.

“Are you?” a voice interrupted them. Marinette looked up to see Adrien staring at her, green eyes intent and studying. He had turned around in his seat to face them.

“Uh, y-yes.” She croaked out. Marinette cast her eyes down. She never had Adrien look at her like that before. “It’s, um, wonderful. Ladybug is cool, and you, ah.”

Marinette couldn’t help but dissolve into a mess of words. She still couldn’t quite speak to him properly. Her voice was stuck in her throat, and she thought of Chat. Of how she could talk to him so much more easily, and like that her heart ached.

“I like the old Ladybug,” Adrien said, innocent and unaware. “I think Chat Noir prefers her back too.”

“That’s true,” Alya agreed as Marinette froze in her seat. “I think this new Ladybug is younger than the old one.”

Marinette stared at them blankly. It was only a simple observation, just a mention of Chat Noir. Her stomach churned, and she wanted to throw up. God, she left Chat—it was the right thing and—

“Please, excuse me.”

“Marinette!” Alya’s eyebrows rose up at the way Marinette stood up, hasty and shaky.

“I have to go bathroom,” Marinette added. She didn’t look at Adrien or at anyone really. It was only in the safety of the bathroom stall that she could sink down and cry.

********

Marinette took down the pictures she had of Adrien on her walls. As wonderful as Adrien Agreste was, he would never know her like Chat did. He was—her crush on him seems so insignificant at this point, and she needed the room. She looked at her walls, breathed in deep, and exhaled slow and long.

“Come on, Marinette,” she said to herself. She wasn’t Ladybug anymore, but she would be damned if she didn’t do her part. She had to make sure Chat was safe after all. For every time she failed him in that critical moment, she would make it up.

And so up it went, slowly. A map of Paris and newspaper clippings and internet articles printed out. She pinned them out neatly on her walls, drew lines and used post its to add in notes. A good quarter of her information came from Alya’s blog, but it was a starting point.

Marinette mapped out patterns, did her best to review the videos of the fights Chat and she went through with each Akuma. It occupied her mind twenty four seven, and she couldn’t sleep. She didn’t sleep, spending every waking minute she could spare to this project.

To be fair, Marinette didn’t know what she was searching for or trying to accomplish. Everyone knew that the akumas happened only if there was someone entirely emotional and thus vulnerable for Hawkmoth’s taking. She only knew she had to try.

She couldn’t stop.

******

“I’m worried,” Alya said. “I haven’t even seen you design something in days!”

“I’m just thinking about other things.” Marinette shrugged.

“Yes, but—“

“So,” Marinette said loudly interrupting her. “What happened last night with Ladybug? I know you were there.”

“Mari,” Alya said softly. Marinette could see herself reflected in Alya’s glasses, and she didn’t look good. So, she reached out and hugged her friend, her best friend in all that she ever knew.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re worried, but it’s not something you can help me with.”

“Not even to talk?”

“It’s—“ Marinette hung her head. She hated doing this, that even now she had to lie to Alya. “It’s complicated. I promise to tell you when I can figure it out.”

It was unlikely, but Alya accepted it.

“Okay, but you better.” She hugged Marinette back fiercely. “Now, let’s talk Ladybug.”

“Go on.”

Funnily enough, not being Ladybug made Marinette closer to Alya.

*******

Marinette heard him before she saw him. She knew he was there even before she heard his bell or the way his tail swished through the air. Marinette would always know when Chat was close by.

“My lady.”

“Chat,” she said and spun around her chair to face him. He stood on the steps that led up to her balcony, and—“you’re safe.”

“I always am,” Chat said and took that last step down. He looked charming, and his green eyes bore into her. Marinette wondered how she looked to him. Her walls were bare for him to see, and it hurt to see Chat there. So near her and yet so far.

“You took down your posters,” he finally said. “You don’t like him anymore?”

“Why? Feeling hopeful?” Marinette shot back. She spun back to face her computer. There was another attack tonight, one that almost cost Chat because of the new Ladybug’s inexperience. She would have never done such a rookie mistake, but then Marinette was seasoned. She shouldn’t blame the girl for that. She knew how hard it was at the beginning. It was petty, and Marinette still did a little.

Chat didn’t answer, and then she felt his hands on her shoulder, rubbing.

“Ladybug—“

“I’m not your Ladybug anymore.”

She felt Chat stiffened behind her and then relaxed. “You’ll always be my Ladybug, my wonderful Lady.”

Marinette snorted. “Just because she’s too young for you.”

Chat squeezed her shoulders hard. “Don’t say that.”

It was wrong and mean of her to say, but Marinette didn’t apologize.

“Marinette,” and he said it so sweetly, so gently.

“I thought you died. I thought…I was going to lose you again.”

“I’m here,” Chat said. “I’m still here.”

Marinette’s chair was turned before she could think, and Chat hugged her. She pressed her face against his chest, taking in his familiar scent.

“Don’t do that again!”

Chat didn’t answer. It wasn’t a promise he could make. Instead, he asked, “can I kiss you?”

Marinette pressed her lips to his, and maybe that was an answer. She couldn’t return his affections as Ladybug, and now she could.


End file.
